Laugh of the day

I'm From Texas

 

Songs like this remind me of senior year in HS, riding 5 deep in my Kia Spctra swangin' around the Connally parking like I had a slab. lmao...good times

Mixtape of the Week

Stranger with years of memories

After a step away things are beginning to come in to focus.

After the break up I took it hard for  a little bit, longer than I expected. It got to the point that I started to worry about myself because these feelings wouldn't go away. I felt like a physical aching for her, I could literally feel it. I had already missed the hell out of her before while we were trying to do the long distance thing until she came back. This went on until one day it crossed my mind, "That girl ain't worried about you. She's living her life happily without you and you need to do the same." On that day I went from a hurt ex-boyfriend to a single man.

I think there are few reasons my feelings lasted so long. I was once browsing on the Internet and came across some random study on love and it said that during break ups people suffer symptoms close to a drug withdrawal. Now of course a break up pales in comparison to a drug addiction. But that made me think "Were we 'addicted' to one another"? She's told me plenty of times that she was addicted to me, and I never completely understood that thought process until recently. In a relationship you can become somewhat "addicted" to not just that them physically, but more so the other things about them, i.e. their hopes, their aspirations, they way they talk, their laugh, they way they sleep, y'alls inside jokes, the familiarity and comfort of their touch, etc. The minute details of them is what you fall for, at least I did. All of that is what made it hard.

Another reason it was hard to deal with is because I knew this was truly the end. The circumstances surrounding this break up are entirely different than before. We're not in school anymore, we're not a couple buildings down from each other, we wont see each other on campus everyday. There's no shot at reconciliation strictly on our magnetism to each other. That wont happen this time because at the closest we're an hour away from each other and would never cross paths because we don't run in the same circles. At this point is where our adult lives are going start, hand-in-hand or not at all. I knew all of that going into it. This was our last shot. It was do or die...and it died.

With all of that being said, time and distractions make those feelings fade somewhat. Truly playing the field with women has been "different". I'm learning that ALL women are little "off" lol. The way women think continues to astound me. It's been fun but a little crazy. Before I never did play the field 'cause I was faithful and other women were the last thing on my mind. But now that I'm free from that restriction, I'm remembering how much women are attracted to me. Chicks dig my charming goofiness.  Knowing her and how she is, she's definitely playing the field too lmao!


Even though my feelings, hurt and betrayal are fading, that love will NEVER go away. I wish it could. There's nothing I can do about it. I just accept it. There are still a couple things that happened and were said that still don't sit too well with me. I've been told that I should have a conversation with her to get my feelings off my chest and gets some closure about certain things. I know talking to her one last time is probably what I need but something I don't really want. Like what are we gonna talk about, really? "Oh hey, how's your life been since I'm not in it anymore?" I just don't see how that would benefit me and besides, she not trying to speak to me anyway. I figure, it would benefit both parties if we just leave things where they are.

I say that because, even though we've had years of good times together, its something about our personalities that bring out the worst in each other for reasons I still cant comprehend. It was just too much battling for me. All relationships have occasional conflict but I feel like I shouldn't have to battle with the person I love on an almost daily basis. Her companionship should be what I anticipate. I want my future household to be peaceful and nurturing.  I've seen other relationships when dudes don't want to come home from work and that possibility petrifies me.

If she tried to make a reappearance in my life I really don't know how I'd react to it. I would probably question her motives from the jump. It's a wall of distrust that would have to broken down in order for us to even be on consistent speaking terms. I doubt that that effort would even be made anyway. I don't mean distrust in a "she-cheated-on-me" kind of way but rather emotionally. I say that because  I've been at my most vulnerable in front of her, she knows my deepest fears, my odd sense of humor, what makes me cringe, what, makes me laugh, etc. She knows me in a way no other physical person does. I don't know if I have the heart to open myself to her like that again.

I feel like God seriously intervened in this situation though. We broke up literally about 24 hours before I was going to propose. I had it planned out, I was gonna get the blessing from her parents that day and do it in front of my family in Austin. If that ain't God intervening I don't know what is. Had I actually proposed she probably would've said yes at that time, but after looking back it, after going back to Minnesota she probably would've still had the same worries from before about me/us. The break up would've been delayed months, maybe even years and the fall out from a break up of that magnitude would've just been out of hand.

As weak as it sounds, I'm still in love with her and I love her with every fiber of my being. The type of love I have never goes away, but it's time to let her go...

This situation has made grow closer to God and my family, but those relationships were already getting closer before it happened. I know He has a plan for me, I have no earthly idea what it is or when it starts but apparently this is a part of it. To Him, her in my life would somehow deter me from doing what I'm meant to do otherwise she'd still be in the picture. Thing wont always be easy but nothing worth something is. If anything this situation make me realized how blessed I am. If the only thing I have to complain about is a breakup then I got it SUPER easy. I'm in a really comfortable situation, actually. Of course, I'll be leaving as soon as I find a legitimate job and I'm financially able to stand on my own. By that time I'll be on my journey to where God wants me to be.

After watching the dust settle, I'm realizing it's time to move on with my life. Everybody takes some L's in life, it's all about how you react to it. Do you let it destroy you or shake it off and learn from it???

“How Your Boyfriend Really Acts”...Too True lmao

 

 

 

You should never hang out “with the boys”. That’s because no matter how close you are to your man, you will not get the version of him that his boys get and you probably don’t want to! Check out “how your boyfriend really acts”.

Random Quote

“Look at a day when you are supremely satisfied at the end. It’s not a day when you lounge around doing nothing; it’s when you’ve had everything to do, and you’ve done it.” -  Margaret Thatcher

What if money was no object?

Wow this video speaks to me on so many levels. Right now I'm at crossroads with my career and what I want to do. I'm presented with the option of pursuing what  want to do in my field, but most likely remaining broke/not-very-financially-stable in the process OR pursuing a job in another field and benefiting very much fiscally. I really don't know what to do as far as that's concerned. Is this what's meant for me? I pray about it but I can't help but worry sometimes. It's gotten easier to handle my situation for the time being as far as being at home and working a part-time job while looking for something bigger. After further reflection, I really have nothing to complain about by being home for the moment. Bills aren't really an issue, most of my closest friends are a few minutes away, and I get to save money! With all that what makes me anxious is the transition out of that. I've always had a hunger to get out in the world on my own two feet and see what what kind of man I'm capable of becoming. I just don't want that transition to be a financial struggle because I've ALWAYS been broke, especially in college, and I'm tired of it.