In news about songs that make you want to touch yourself, Miguel recently sang probably everyone’s favorite song right now, “Adorn” for Power 106 FM. Kaleidoscope Dream set to release 10/2.
Friday, September 21, 2012
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Do I hate love???
So this chick I've been talking to lately mentioned to me that I make relationships sound so bad by certain things that I say to her and via social media. Intrigued by this statement, I asked several of my closest friends if I did and received a resounding yes in response. I honestly didn't know I came off that way. It's not like I've been going off on some "I hate women" rants or something of that nature. I simply voice my opinions about marriage and relationships in a matter-fact-way which is what I'll do now.
I feel as marriage and love in our generation is somewhat meaningless. Consumating your love through God isn't meaningless at all but the people attempting to do so are not as committed. The days of people having these life-long romantic bonds are through. The crazy thing about it is that my parents have been happily married for the past 27 years. I can look at them and tell that they're still in love after all this time. At one point in time I did want that, but I've realized that the old school "we'll weather any storm together" type of marriages were lost with my parents generation. I say this because I look around at my peers and see nothing but chaos, myself included. It's not like crying my eyes while I'm typing this or I'm angry or bitter, it's just my honest opinion. I'd be a fool to say true love doesn't exist at all anymore but I'd also be fool to put faith into that notion.
I feel as marriage and love in our generation is somewhat meaningless. Consumating your love through God isn't meaningless at all but the people attempting to do so are not as committed. The days of people having these life-long romantic bonds are through. The crazy thing about it is that my parents have been happily married for the past 27 years. I can look at them and tell that they're still in love after all this time. At one point in time I did want that, but I've realized that the old school "we'll weather any storm together" type of marriages were lost with my parents generation. I say this because I look around at my peers and see nothing but chaos, myself included. It's not like crying my eyes while I'm typing this or I'm angry or bitter, it's just my honest opinion. I'd be a fool to say true love doesn't exist at all anymore but I'd also be fool to put faith into that notion.
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
"Coming From Where I'm From"
On the heels of the popular musician, Frank Ocean, sharing a letter opening up about his sexuality, the Twittersphere has been poppin' with commentary. Some in support. Some not. And naturally, seeing as though much of the homophobic tension seems to stem from the church, "religion" has been under scrutiny. So, here's my 2 cents on that...not necessarily about Frank's admission in particular...but everything...
Many Black Christians grow up in very Christ-centered, churchgoing families, from the very beginning. Many of you got saved and knew you were going to heaven around 10? 11? That's remarkable. Not to diminish or belittle anyone's conversion experience, but that is the best/easiest/painless way to Christ(ianity) possible. (Granted, assuming that Christianity is true and/or that, once intellectually capable, you examine objections to your faith and discover whether or not what you were taught is True.) Ultimately, the point I'm trying to make is that many (southern, Bible-belt) Black Christians are fortunate enough to never be on the OUTSIDE (of the church an the faith) looking in.
I, on the other hand, did not grow up "in church every Sunday". I've been on the outside looking in with gross skepticism and on the receiving end of alienation. I've heard people make spectacle/fun of those (people like me) people who couldn't quote scripture or sing some songs from memory (as if that is a sign of superior spirituality). I've seen Christians call the church "a hospital for sinners" yet judge people (visitors and newcomers) for their attire (as if sinners should appear saved from a earthly, human standard before they even get saved from a Godly, spiritual standard) and I've sat in a pew, as someone who was fresh in my faith, and heard a sermon preached on how "come as you are" is false because "God once damned someone to hell for their appearance". I've visited churches, as someone who believed in "God" but had not yet given my life to Christ, and seen $10, $20, $100 tithing lines where it appeared as though God's love or our salvation could be earned by what we did/gave. I've seen people cry at the pulpit, speak in tongues, and run up and down the aisles, yet regress back to their old ways the minute they exit the church doors, as if everything they'd done prior was for show. Yo, I stood scared and confused at a church-ran basketball tournament and had a woman tell us, a group of ~9-14 year olds that "if you don't give your life to Christ, you're going to Hell" without ANY prior mention of His unmerited, unlimited LOVE, GRACE, and MERCY.
It wasn't until I got into high school that I started to go to church again and gave my life to Christ because, despite all the negative images of religion and Christianity I had experienced, I still somehow felt a PERSONAL, UNPRESSURED, spiritual voice in my head asking me to open myself up to something that would change my life. By the grace of God, I submitted to it--NOT my WILL, because I had little to NO reasons to become a Christian after all I had seen from church people (save for the few positive examples of people I was really close to). And, it wasn't until I got to college and went to a church spilling over with grace, where nothing was added to or taken from the Bible, that I began to really learn about Christ--who He was, what is sin, what merits salvation, what my purpose in life is, etc..
Just from my personal experience, I think it's hard for Christians who NEVER grew up on the outside looking in to understand why people have so many doubts and reservations about religion and spirituality as a whole. Christians don't have to compromise "one jot or one tittle" of the Bible or allow the world system to penetrate and skew the gospel, but y'all, WE, owe it to people to empathize and not act like the church is without flaw and not act like we don't have THE BEST POSSIBLE EXAMPLE of LOVE and sacrifice (Christ dying for us) despite our selfish, blind ways. We ought not act like such a RADICAL thing such as faith, should be easy to submit to and EASY to understand for people who come from many different, some unimaginable backgrounds. And above all, we should not act like whether we've been in church all our lives or never a day in our lives, that we're not ALL, EQUALLY in desperate need of God's grace and mercy. He loves us all the same regardless of where we are in our lives. We owe it to people to SHOW them we love them, first.
Many Black Christians grow up in very Christ-centered, churchgoing families, from the very beginning. Many of you got saved and knew you were going to heaven around 10? 11? That's remarkable. Not to diminish or belittle anyone's conversion experience, but that is the best/easiest/painless way to Christ(ianity) possible. (Granted, assuming that Christianity is true and/or that, once intellectually capable, you examine objections to your faith and discover whether or not what you were taught is True.) Ultimately, the point I'm trying to make is that many (southern, Bible-belt) Black Christians are fortunate enough to never be on the OUTSIDE (of the church an the faith) looking in.
I, on the other hand, did not grow up "in church every Sunday". I've been on the outside looking in with gross skepticism and on the receiving end of alienation. I've heard people make spectacle/fun of those (people like me) people who couldn't quote scripture or sing some songs from memory (as if that is a sign of superior spirituality). I've seen Christians call the church "a hospital for sinners" yet judge people (visitors and newcomers) for their attire (as if sinners should appear saved from a earthly, human standard before they even get saved from a Godly, spiritual standard) and I've sat in a pew, as someone who was fresh in my faith, and heard a sermon preached on how "come as you are" is false because "God once damned someone to hell for their appearance". I've visited churches, as someone who believed in "God" but had not yet given my life to Christ, and seen $10, $20, $100 tithing lines where it appeared as though God's love or our salvation could be earned by what we did/gave. I've seen people cry at the pulpit, speak in tongues, and run up and down the aisles, yet regress back to their old ways the minute they exit the church doors, as if everything they'd done prior was for show. Yo, I stood scared and confused at a church-ran basketball tournament and had a woman tell us, a group of ~9-14 year olds that "if you don't give your life to Christ, you're going to Hell" without ANY prior mention of His unmerited, unlimited LOVE, GRACE, and MERCY.
It wasn't until I got into high school that I started to go to church again and gave my life to Christ because, despite all the negative images of religion and Christianity I had experienced, I still somehow felt a PERSONAL, UNPRESSURED, spiritual voice in my head asking me to open myself up to something that would change my life. By the grace of God, I submitted to it--NOT my WILL, because I had little to NO reasons to become a Christian after all I had seen from church people (save for the few positive examples of people I was really close to). And, it wasn't until I got to college and went to a church spilling over with grace, where nothing was added to or taken from the Bible, that I began to really learn about Christ--who He was, what is sin, what merits salvation, what my purpose in life is, etc..
Just from my personal experience, I think it's hard for Christians who NEVER grew up on the outside looking in to understand why people have so many doubts and reservations about religion and spirituality as a whole. Christians don't have to compromise "one jot or one tittle" of the Bible or allow the world system to penetrate and skew the gospel, but y'all, WE, owe it to people to empathize and not act like the church is without flaw and not act like we don't have THE BEST POSSIBLE EXAMPLE of LOVE and sacrifice (Christ dying for us) despite our selfish, blind ways. We ought not act like such a RADICAL thing such as faith, should be easy to submit to and EASY to understand for people who come from many different, some unimaginable backgrounds. And above all, we should not act like whether we've been in church all our lives or never a day in our lives, that we're not ALL, EQUALLY in desperate need of God's grace and mercy. He loves us all the same regardless of where we are in our lives. We owe it to people to SHOW them we love them, first.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
2 days, 2 different feelings
I really did write this on 2 different days. Its 2 entirely different opinions
Original Post
There was a point where we were trying to hold onto a relationship that was finished. There are times when it doesn't bother me, and there are times when it bothers me a lot. There were times when I was thinking, ‘Damn. I had this shit all planned out, and now I’ve failed’. That was hard on me, because I don’t like to fail at anything. Accepting that I failed at this relationship messed me up. You ask yourself, ‘How could that person be so cold’? And I’m sure she felt the same way about me. It was ugly.
Final Resignation
That anger thing has changed into something that I don't even know what to call. I feel like she never was able to just kick back, relax and have fun with me and enjoy our relationship, unless she was drinking. A relationship is something you should enjoy for the most part rather than constantly stress about...I stressed about things too, but I 've never met anyone that was so tightly wound up about everything. When I come to this conclusion my anger begins to fade, because I didn't matter if I was the perfect guy, there would've been someone perceived negative about my personality or our relationship.
All jokes aside, there were issues that have to be worked out.. I do think that there is a part of her deep down in there that loves me, but that part has always fought with this angry, insecure part of her. Its damn near resembles 2 different personalities all together. And I'm not even saying this be funny, or sarcastic or whatever. You can legitimately shorten your life by being that way. Our bodies don't deal with stress well and for as long as I've known her she was stressed about a lot. Its normal to stress about the issues people our age are going through right now (i.e. financial independence, career decisions, family issues, etc.), I stress about some of those things too, but there was hopelessness vibe that I got when she would talk about it, like her problems would never end. I'll be honest, I get like that every now and then also.
I'm still hurt about a lot of stuff and I miss her and everything about her everyday, who wouldn't, this was the woman I planned on spending the rest of my life with. But now I just look at it as I fell in love with someone who wasn't able to love me unconditionally. I also think she lost herself a bit when she left Texas. Away from your support system, your boyfriend, and with no real friends to count on up there anybody would've had a hard time dealing with that. That isolation just further exacerbated her personal issues and insecurities. When it got to the point of her being annoyed by something as small as me reading the news every day and getting excited about some new phone app or something and wanting to tell her about it, it became discouraging to communicate to her. And I wont sit up here and act like it was all her because I've made plenty of mistakes and have my own issues. I did everything I could, even told her about her my plans to propose when she came back. I'll never look back on that relationship and think about what I could've done because I did everything in my power. I even told her many a time, "I'm willing to go through hell or high water with you as long as your willing to the same. As much as we've gone through, we can make it through anything. Whatever we gotta do to make this relationship work, I'm willing to do it." I feel bad for both of us honestly, we're deprived a good thing, on our biggest supporter, our best friend, our confidant, etc. Maybe she'll see that one day done the road. Now I can't do anything but love her from a distance, hope for the best for her in life and hope she becomes the great woman and person I know she's capable of becoming.
Original Post
There was a point where we were trying to hold onto a relationship that was finished. There are times when it doesn't bother me, and there are times when it bothers me a lot. There were times when I was thinking, ‘Damn. I had this shit all planned out, and now I’ve failed’. That was hard on me, because I don’t like to fail at anything. Accepting that I failed at this relationship messed me up. You ask yourself, ‘How could that person be so cold’? And I’m sure she felt the same way about me. It was ugly.
Final Resignation
That anger thing has changed into something that I don't even know what to call. I feel like she never was able to just kick back, relax and have fun with me and enjoy our relationship, unless she was drinking. A relationship is something you should enjoy for the most part rather than constantly stress about...I stressed about things too, but I 've never met anyone that was so tightly wound up about everything. When I come to this conclusion my anger begins to fade, because I didn't matter if I was the perfect guy, there would've been someone perceived negative about my personality or our relationship.
All jokes aside, there were issues that have to be worked out.. I do think that there is a part of her deep down in there that loves me, but that part has always fought with this angry, insecure part of her. Its damn near resembles 2 different personalities all together. And I'm not even saying this be funny, or sarcastic or whatever. You can legitimately shorten your life by being that way. Our bodies don't deal with stress well and for as long as I've known her she was stressed about a lot. Its normal to stress about the issues people our age are going through right now (i.e. financial independence, career decisions, family issues, etc.), I stress about some of those things too, but there was hopelessness vibe that I got when she would talk about it, like her problems would never end. I'll be honest, I get like that every now and then also.
I'm still hurt about a lot of stuff and I miss her and everything about her everyday, who wouldn't, this was the woman I planned on spending the rest of my life with. But now I just look at it as I fell in love with someone who wasn't able to love me unconditionally. I also think she lost herself a bit when she left Texas. Away from your support system, your boyfriend, and with no real friends to count on up there anybody would've had a hard time dealing with that. That isolation just further exacerbated her personal issues and insecurities. When it got to the point of her being annoyed by something as small as me reading the news every day and getting excited about some new phone app or something and wanting to tell her about it, it became discouraging to communicate to her. And I wont sit up here and act like it was all her because I've made plenty of mistakes and have my own issues. I did everything I could, even told her about her my plans to propose when she came back. I'll never look back on that relationship and think about what I could've done because I did everything in my power. I even told her many a time, "I'm willing to go through hell or high water with you as long as your willing to the same. As much as we've gone through, we can make it through anything. Whatever we gotta do to make this relationship work, I'm willing to do it." I feel bad for both of us honestly, we're deprived a good thing, on our biggest supporter, our best friend, our confidant, etc. Maybe she'll see that one day done the road. Now I can't do anything but love her from a distance, hope for the best for her in life and hope she becomes the great woman and person I know she's capable of becoming.
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Anxiety of an unemployed college grad...
I'll be frank, my post college life has not been what I expected. I'm beginning to become frustrated because I need a job or internship asap, so I can get out of my parents house. I love my parents but now I need my own space. I've had my own apartment in college for the last 4 years and moving back home is trying. As a 23 year old college graduate I need to go on my own and see what I'm made of and stand on my own 2 feet. I appreciate my parents for everything they do but I NEED my independence. Also I need a job to kick start my career; I didn't for to school for 4.5 years just to apply for mediocre ass jobs that I could've gotten with just a high school diploma.
I just have the urge to get out of Austin, I want to meet new people, see new things, eat different foods, admire other cultures. I love being from here but I feel like if I want to chase my dreams I need to leave. I feel stagnant here. I just feel like there are no avenues for success here with the career path that I want to take.
I don't know my purpose right now.
Lately, I don't have a physical person to confide that understands how I feel. Few people around me have taken my path (i.e. college). 90% of them got a job straight out of high school and have been working and saving. Right now, I have no physical person to confide in who truly understands how I feel and empathizes with me I talk to God, but sometimes I don't know what he wants me to do. I wish it was as easy as God calling me on the phone and being like "Bro, you need to be patient, I got something coming up for you"...if something like that were possible I wouldn't have any complaints. I just don't know what my purpose is and I'm starting to feel like my degree was worthless because every job I want request experience over education. But the thing is I need to get hired to get experience though. I'm just being impatient, I'm ready to start this exciting and fulfilling life that I want but I'm just at a standstill right now and I'm SO anxious to get out of it.
Jeremiah. 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future...
I just have the urge to get out of Austin, I want to meet new people, see new things, eat different foods, admire other cultures. I love being from here but I feel like if I want to chase my dreams I need to leave. I feel stagnant here. I just feel like there are no avenues for success here with the career path that I want to take.
I don't know my purpose right now.
Lately, I don't have a physical person to confide that understands how I feel. Few people around me have taken my path (i.e. college). 90% of them got a job straight out of high school and have been working and saving. Right now, I have no physical person to confide in who truly understands how I feel and empathizes with me I talk to God, but sometimes I don't know what he wants me to do. I wish it was as easy as God calling me on the phone and being like "Bro, you need to be patient, I got something coming up for you"...if something like that were possible I wouldn't have any complaints. I just don't know what my purpose is and I'm starting to feel like my degree was worthless because every job I want request experience over education. But the thing is I need to get hired to get experience though. I'm just being impatient, I'm ready to start this exciting and fulfilling life that I want but I'm just at a standstill right now and I'm SO anxious to get out of it.
Jeremiah. 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future...
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