Preparations are being made to hit my city for the first time in months. I need this though, It's LONG overdue! Just a recharge bro. Time to get outta Angelo. Take a break from abyss that been stuck for the last 3 months alone. Its made me stronger though, this period has taken my mind to some places and had me contemplating some actions I wouldn't have ever imagined before this. I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but I still need to get up out this hoe for a couple days though! lol I don't have any friends here. Not true friends, but I got plenty of associates. But when it comes down to it, NOBODY out here is down for me. The ones that were all left, and I'll be doing the same, for a few days at least.
I'm gettin' my hair retwisted , gettin' an edge up, gettin' tatted, do lil' bit of shoppin', hit up Dan's for some good ass Burgers!!!...most important of all I get to see my people. Speaking of edge ups, I got a light beard goin', not Rick Ross or nothing, but its like the chin strap I had before but its a little bit higher on the sides. Its cool but my facial hair grow SO SLOW!!! You know me though, I'm keeping cleaned and edged up, there's no other way. Before I digress, I miss my fam like hell. It's been almost 4 months, and not by choice. I was too busy tryna survive out here and save up money.
I swear its nothing like riding down I-35 with bros, with the windows down. For me, since my circle of true friends is so small, when I actually do get to see them, its such a great feeling.
With that being said, a lot have of things have changed with us, mainly priorities. Them fools used to talk down on me 'cause I was gal'd up now they all in love lol.While I am conscious of my financial situation and trying to sustain myself while I finish college, these niggas got babies on the way, live-in girlfriends, full-time jobs, and bills. By no means am I judging them, but the main reason I went to college was to avoid doing that so early and to have a career that I want, rather than paying bills. And plus I'm scared AF to have a baby right now, I can't even take care of my damn self, let alone a mini-me and a wife that I would be having that baby with.
I don't know if we'll get to kick it as much 'cause in a few months, only God know's where I'll be and what I'll be doing, whether that be grad school, an internship, or a quality job straight outta college. At times I feel like my professional career will pull me away from the bond that me and them have, simply because I'll be occupied with furthering my self professionally, finding my way as a man, and establishing myself financially. I always said when I was younger that I would never let my career get in the way of my relationships, but now that I'm looking at the beginning of it in January, I just dont know if thats realistic anymore.While I'm doing this, there gonna pre-occupied with there lives. For the longest it had always been just us three, this was gonna eventually happen though 'cause people grow up and have to find there places in the world. Maybe if we had more in common career-wise or goal-wise I wouldn't have these worries. I love them like they're blood and and along with my blood family they've stuck with me through everything, I just don't want things to fall off.
IDK bro!, I just got a lot questions about my future. I don't know what to do... I feel like I'm front of a thick fog that represents my future and God is pulling me by the hand through it towards my ultimate purpose ,and for the first time that I can think of, I'm giving in to his will, I'm letting him pull me where he wants me to go. Nothing else has worked for me. Now I'm not gonna go preaching like like I've completely given in yet because I still have major questions. Hell I'm nosey lol, I wish I had a crystal ball to give me glimpse of what'll be happening in my life, what type of man I'll be, how my career will be progressing a year from now, 2 years, 5 years, 10 years, just so I could be cool and not have so much anxiety about it.The thing is, I want to be able to control the situation and know what I'm gonna do, how I'm gonna do it, when and where I'm gonna do it. I simply can't though, all I can do is choose the best options that he'll give me.
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